


Internal Noise

by TheMonsterBookofFanfiction



Series: Speirfeld Week 2K18 [2]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Minor Violence, Romantic Soulmates, This is longer than I thought TBH, but also not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 10:52:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14283348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMonsterBookofFanfiction/pseuds/TheMonsterBookofFanfiction
Summary: Most people in the world have unproblematic sense obscured by the experiences of their soulmates. As taught in health classes around the world, 44% of adults have olfactory soulmate, another 32% having somatosensory soulmates, another 20% are gustatory matches, and 3.999% of the world having optical soulmates. That left an unproven .0001% of people to have an auditory soulmate. Most of the world doesn’t believe that they actually exist, at least not in the way people have described. A small voice in the back of your head, that will respond back to you if you focus long enough. No people don’t believe that.IE the universe likes to fuck with Simon





	Internal Noise

Most people in the world have unproblematic sense obscured by the experiences of their soulmates. As taught in health classes around the world, 44% of adults have olfactory soulmate, another 32% having  somatosensory soulmates, another 20% are gustatory  matches, and 3.999% of the world having optical soulmates. That left an unproven .0001% of people to have an auditory soulmate. Most of the world doesn’t believe that they actually exist, at least not in the way people have described. A small voice in the back of your head, that will respond back to you if you focus long enough. No people don’t believe that.

Soulmates are the reason my world was a mess. I had to have a rare sensory soulmate, one so rare that can’t really even find enough people to prove that it is real. Most people believed to have auditory are labeled as insane and are locked away for good. That is why I don’t tell my friends already started learning about his soulmate. Hearing an inconstant whisper in your ear doesn’t really point to the side of sane. The voice started right before the end of school last year, just a little hum of a song here, a mumble of a math equation there, nothing big nothing important. Then over the summer it really hit. A scream in the middle of the night that woke me from sleep. Who ever was behind it was in a great deal of pain, just not the physical this was deep emotional pain. Though at the time I didn’t know that, I ran out of my room yelling for my parents trying to figure out where the noise came from. When they told me that there was no scream I put it all together. 

The universe decided to royally fuck me over. 

Since then we, my soulmate and I, have been learning the ins and outs of this whole hear each other’s voice at random times. From what we can figure out, the person needs to be in emotional or physical distress or they having to be trying to hear the other to actually have it work. The other thing we figured out is that we are both boys, which is a relief, because I now know for a fact that I am gay. He isn’t ready to come out yet, so we don’t know each other’s real name. I call him Blue, he is sad a lot of the time, and he calls me Jacques, maybe I want him to figure it out. I can tell we are in the same time zone, other than that there is nothing giving him away. 

“Do you ever wonder how much easier it would be if we were like somatosensory? I have a really go pair of friends that are. They once got really drunk and told us that they tried mastubating at the same time. It worked but they couldn’t look at their families for a week after,” I say into the quiet of my room. Blue and I have set aside time to talk, on Wednesday when he gets off soccer practice early and both our parents are still at work. Nora is in her room, but I tend to play music just loud enough to make sure she can’t really tell I am talking to him. 

_ I feel really disturbed about know that about your friends without knowing them. Also, I mean it would be easier if we live near each other, but if we are different states don’t you think this is easier?  _

I think about it for a minute, he’s right of course, Blue is very smart and corrects my papers as I read them aloud sometimes. “Well I live in Atalanta, what about you?” I ask laying back on my bed, Beiber noses open the door and joins me. 

I get silence for a while. This happens sometimes, he gets spooked easily so every now and then when I ask a question to personal or something that would reveal who he is he shuts down. I get it, as annoying as it is I get it. If we give too much away we might be tempted to find each other, and then explain how we know we are soulmates and we just aren’t ready for that. 

_ Will you try to come find me if I tell you?  _

“Blue,” I whisper as I sit up, my one hand now gripping Beiber’s fur tight, “I would never do something like that to you. If all you want is for us to have Wednesday afternoon talks I get it. I’m scared too. I will never betray you like that, got it?” 

_ Yeah I do.  _ The reply comes quick, it tells me that he believes me. I relax back into my bed, loosening the grip on my dog.  _ I live in Atlanta, too. So I guess the whole different states thing doesn’t actually apply to us does it?  _

I laugh, “No it doesn’t. But hey if we were gustatory mates you could taste all the Oreos that I have been eating lately.” I found out right before school that we both have a love of Oreos, he prefers the Halloween ones. 

_ Or be like your friends and eat Reese’s while getting off, see if they really are better than sex.  _ I’m shocked silent, Blue tends to not venture into the realm of raunchy much if ever. Hearing him suggest something like that gets me thinking about which gets me a little hard. I groan loudly, not really remembering that we still have our connection.  _ Sorry that was wrong to say. I am really tired because of a lot of stuff going on at home. With my parents, and school, and just sorry.  _

No, no, no, no. This is him trying to backtrack, and a backtracking Blue is a Blue about to shut me out. “No!” I shout, I can hear him whine at the loud noise, “sorry, Blue. I just mean that you suggest something like that was not the wrong move. I like when you are bold and blunt. I get the feeling the only person who gets to know how funny and bold you are is yourself. I want to know you, all parts of it.” 

There is another pause, I am now expecting him to close off and not talk to me till next week. I get up and go down stairs, it’s nearly five and I need to make dinner. My parents texted earlier saying that they were having date night tonight leaving Nora and me to fend for ourselves. I have a pot of water on the stove before I get a response. 

_ What your friends did, with their um connection, would you ever want to try that with our connection?  _ It’s quite, as if he is mumbling the question rather than asking it. I can picture him all nervous, sitting on the edge of his bed, biting his lip, and fiddling with his hands. I really like the image of Blue that I created. 

“I think I would like that,” I say with a smile, “but not now. In a while, I mean I have never even gotten close to having any kinda sex, and I don’t think I’m ready for it.” 

_ I get that,  _ comes his instant reply,  _ we can talk about it more later. But right now I have to get going, my mom is almost home and well you know.  _

And I do, our parents can’t know, not about this part. My parents are open to a lot, but my dad as often made jokes about so called “hearies” and my mom has come home talking about her poor patients that think they can hear their soulmate. “Yeah, Blue, I do. I’ll talk to you later, love you,” I say staring down at the pot of water slowly coming to a boil. 

_ Bye, Jacques, love you too.  _ His words are stronger than normal. It means more now that we have been talking for almost five months, specially with the new development from today. Shit, I need to deal with this. 

“Nora! Come watch the pasta I need to shower!” I yell going up the stairs. 

“But you showered this morning!” She counters, sticking her head out the door. 

“Well I’m showering again. So either watch the pasta or the house and the food burns your pick bye!” I say closing the door and locking it. The second I get my clothes off I am in the shower hot water hitting me. I picture Blue’s voice whispering sweetly into my ear as I get harder. I lean back against the shower wall as I grab my dick. It’s hard and I can’t focus on anything other than Blue. What he looks like, what he feels like, how he response to things. I know what he sounds like and can guess how he will talk to me during this. just that little bit of information is able to push me over the edge, when I get to know the rest of him I won’t be hold it together. 

Later, as I’m laying in bed just on the edge of sleep I hear a breathless and gasping whine. There went my goodnights rest. I turn over and groan into my pillow, fuck me. 

  
  


The school is a buzz when I walk in the next day. I can feel it as I get to my locker, Leah right next to me is whispering with Meg about something. “What is with the school today?” I ask pulling out my English textbook. Leah and Meg stop talk and turn to me. 

“Late last night on The Tumblr, someone admitted to being an auditory soulmate, having their match, and being in a same sex relationship. It’s kinda big news for this place,” Leah explains in that way that show half interest and half annoyance, as though she wasn’t just gossiping about the post too. 

“You’re kidding?” I gasp, there is no chance there is another person here that is like me, unless of course it’s Blue, “Do you guys believe them?” 

“I mean it is completely unproven to even happen,” Meg jumps in, “but I believe that they are gay, and want to know their soulmate. There was a study that connect lack of soulmates to supposed auditory ones. Like as a coping mechanism.” Leah just nods then shrugs at the other girls response. 

“I don’t think it matters either way. They won’t come anymore forward than that.” Leah closes her locker and starts walking to class. I nod and turn to the nearest bathroom. The one in this hall is a single person bathroom, meaning it has a lock and a very heavy door. 

“Blue I need to know was it you?” I ask staring at the mirror, I have the water running so that it drowns out any noise that the door and the walls can’t. 

The reply comes instantly,  _ I think you need to be more specific, Jacques.  _

I roll my eyes despite the fact that he can’t see me. “Were you the one that posted on CreeksSecrets about being an auditory soulmate, do we go to school together.” 

_ Shit, I was hoping that you might see it, but at the same time, I was hoping you wouldn’t.  _ He says, his voice is echoing against something, he must be in a bigger room than I am. 

“Do you know who I am by my voice?” I ask, I feel fear rushing through me at the thought that he would know who I am but I not know him. I love his voice, it’s rich and deep, but there is still something missing to it. I can’t place the voice, as if he is talking through a tin can or a cardboard tube. It’s ever so slightly muddled. 

_ You know that I can’t. You voice is just normal enough to be familiar but distorided enough to be unrecognisable. Unless my voice is clear to you?  _

“No it isn’t, I just wanted to check. I have to go now. I’ll talk to you later, I love you.” I whisper the last part just as I open the door. The hallway is empty, because apparently the universe is not pissed off with me today. 

By lunch the appeal of there potentially being an auditory soulmate at our school has not worn off yet, so it is all anyone can talk about. 

“I just don’t understand how someone can mistake being crazy as a soulmate,” Nick states as I sit down across from him. He is holding Abby’s hand and shoving fries into his mouth, he is looking at Garrett, a friend from the soccer team. 

“Bro, do you really think that with all the other senses giving way to soulmates that hearing wouldn’t?” Garrett throws back as he steals food from Cute Bram Greenfeld, a quiet boy on the soccer team with Garrett and Nick. 

“I mean yeah,” Nick says with a mouthful of fries, “but like only hearing your soulmates voice is weird dude. Like hearing what your soulmate hears is one thing, but just hearing their thoughts is another.” 

“I thought it was just words spoken out loud,” I interject disrupting the flow, everyone turns to me so I explain, “well from everything I have ever seen, people who claim to be auditory soulmates can only hear when their soulmates are talking out loud. Which is like really useful don’t you think? Like you can get to know a person through every word they speak instead of just what they eat, or what they see, or even what they touch.” I point at the Abby and Nick’s interlocked hands. 

“See Spier gets it. There is so much more use to being able to hear your soulmate talking.” Garrett throws an arm around my shoulders from his spot next to me, I watch Bram’s face shift as the argument between the other two slowly dies off. He has a small smile playing on his lips before returning to neutral. 

 

Everything is fine for about two weeks. That is when shit hits the fan. Blue and I have been more reckless since we found out we go to the same school. Since the first morning we try to get in a few words before class each day, since we now know when the other has to be in class. Today I am standing outside the school hidden in the corner of the building, it’s two days before Halloween and even though I live in Georgia it still gets fucking cold. 

“Look all I am saying is that since you mentioned it I have been eating way more Halloween Oreos compared to other years.” We have less than a minute to get inside but I would rather be late than not talk to him. 

_ I do not see this as any form of problem.  _ Comes his response, it’s lighter than normal, he is starting to relax more. 

“Of course not,” I chuckle, I like thinking of him as light and relaxed, “Um, Blue, I was wondering if maybe you would want to meet each other in person soon?” My voice is tight as I get the words out. I’m afraid of so many things. What if he doesn’t want me, what if when we meet he hates me, or I hate him, or just anything going wrong. 

_ Soon, but not yet. I have to deal with something first, but soon. I love you Jacques.  _ His message gives me hope, he wants me. 

“I love you too, Blue. I can hold on for soon.” I smile to myself and stand there a minute before turning the corner and running straight into Martin Addison. He is tall and lanky and kind of reminds me of a creeper in a stalker film, but we are in theatre together so I put up with him. The smirk on his face makes me worried. 

“So you’re the insane kid that thinks he can hear his soulmate. Why call him Blue though?” Martin asks as his grin grows, he crowds me in the corner of the building, his frame covering mine. 

“Martin I have no idea what you are talking about, but I need to get to class so move,” I lie easily, I push on him but he doesn’t move. 

“Oh so the whole five minute conversation you had with yourself in the corner with your phone in your pocket wasn’t you pretend to have a soulmate that can hear you?” My breath stops, he was watching me this whole time. 

“How long had you been fucking listening to me you creep?” I yell forcing him away from me. He laughs a little and catches my arm as I try to walk in the building. 

“I wasn’t watching,” he starts, it is a good start but then he continues, “I was filming. Originally I was filming a bird on the power line but then I heard you and so I turned the attention of my movie.” 

My face shifts to horror as I process the information. He recorded me talking to Blue, for several minutes and now has those videos. “What the flying fuck do you want?” I spit, yanking my arm away. 

“You are really good friends with Abby, right? Well I think we are soulmates and I need help convincing her of that. And since I have information that you probably don’t want everyone knowing I figured you would be will t,” he explains walking next to me up the steps. 

I turn to face him, I feel bile trying to rise out of my stomach. “You are blackmailing me to convince my friend that the person she knows is her soulmate is not her soulmate and instead it’s you?” I ask very slowly, mostly to stop from vomiting as I comprehend what he wants. 

“Aww, poor Nick isn’t her soulmate, he is just attractive and a good liar. Also don’t think of it as blackmail think of it as a mutually beneficial agreement. Here I know you are going to some Halloween party this Friday. Let’s start by you giving me the address and time of the party.” He is now holding out his phone and shoving it in my hands, I numbly type in the information for Garrett’s party in two days. He pats me on the back and walks into the building when I finish. 

I lean over the rail and vomit into the bushes, before crying for a solid ten. I walk to the nurse and admit to vomiting before doing it again into a bucket she gave me. After that she sends me home. 

I crawl into bed and lay there, unable to get sleep. I don’t come down for dinner, and I miss school the next day. Blue talks to me, admitting to hearing me cry earlier, though he doesn’t know why. When I don’t reply he tells me it’s okay and just rambles, I start to cry all over again. 

 

When the party rolls around I am not ready for it. Everyone meets up at Nick’s house, this year I am dressed like John Lennon, with Leah as my Yoko. Nick doesn’t get it but Abby does, it’s a small comfort. 

We ride in Abby’s car to Garrett’s, but Bram is the one who meets us at the door. “Hey guys, Garrett is off somewhere mixing drinks and so I got stuck with door duty,” Bram says opening the door wide enough to let us in. 

“Well it still nice to see you Bram, who are you exactly?” Abby greets with a hug, though confused as she pulls back. 

“I am post presidency Obama, just chilling and drink fruited alcohol on a beach,” Bram explains arms out wide, I now notice the fake pineapple cup in his hand. The move startles a laugh out of me, it brings a subtle smile to Bram’s face. “Let me guess, Simon, you are John Lennon?” Bram asks, focusing on me. 

“Yeah good guess,” I say, I was about to say more when Martin shows up, throwing an arm around me and Abby. 

“Well hello fellow theatre people, how are you guys tonight?” Martin yells right in my ear. I pull away as my stomach sinks. Bram give me a concerned look, raising a single eyebrow at the move. I shake my head but leave the group to find something to drink. I find an unopened bottle of beer and take as I walk outside to the deck. 

I’m leaning against the fence that guards the pool when I feel a hand rest on my shoulder. I turn to see Bram standing there with a beer now replacing the fake pineapple. “Penny for your thoughts?” He asks standing next to me. 

“It’s nothing just personal bullshit. And Martin is currently at the center of it all. So I have no desire to be around him,” I sigh, not looking at him. 

“Yeah I get the personal bullshit and everything. If you ever need to vent you can come to me.” He takes a long sip of his beer before turning to look back at me. 

“Nah I don’t need to push that on you. Besides I have someone else that is willing to listen to me vent all the time.” 

“Have you met your soulmate, Simon?” He asks, looking me right in the eyes. 

“Maybe but I don’t know exactly,” I give the vagues amount of information.

Bram just nods and then points off in the corner where Garrett is stand and waving to him. “I got to go see what that fool wants. I’ll see you around.” He pats my shoulder as he walks towards his other friend. 

I wander back into the party, talking to people I know as I go. I see Martin cornering Abby at the bar while Nick is busy with Garrett and Bram. I want to help but at the same time I don’t want to piss him off and have him release the video he has of me. So when I see Leah start walking over to Abby and Martin I turn my back and leave. I could no longer stand being at a place where all my friends had left me. I walk out the front door, turning down the sidewalk in the general direction I believe my house to be.

Two hours later and five frantic texts from Nick and Leah, I make it home to my bed. 

 

It’s not for another week that I get alone time with Blue again. Martin has been on my ass all week. Sitting with us a lunch, forcing me to invite Abby out to lunch only to have him also show up, switching seats in class. Every little thing was pushing my friends further away and I really wanted some alone time with my soulmate to vent. 

“Hey Blue, please tell me you are free to talk. I kinda need you right now,” I whisper, my voice cracks at some point. I feel tears prick my eyes. 

_ Jacques? Are you okay? What is happening? Do I need to call someone?  _ His questions come quickly one right after the other. I can hear the panic in his tone, it's a comfort and loosens the knot in my chest. 

“No, hun, you don’t gotta do that. I just need to talk to someone. And I have been fucking up my friendships lately, so I don’t have anyone,” I say, I am laying on my bed with the door locked even though my family is out for the day. I am cuddled close to my pillow, seeking physical comfort where I can. 

_ You are worrying me. Tell me what is going on, how can I help? I need to be able to help you, Jacques.  _ He sounds so desperate that I now feel bad for coming to him like this. 

I shake my head despite that he can’t see me. “Just tell me about your day. I need a distraction from everything going on in my life.” 

_ Are you sure that will help?  _ He asks hesitantly. 

“Positive,” I answer. It sends him into a long story. It starts with his mom burning breakfast and just taking him to McDonalds, then his neighbor’s cat got stuck on his roof and he had to go up and get it down, then his dad called with news about his life in Savannah, and finally he just got done working out. He talks for a while about what he did at the gym, going into detail about exercises that I don’t understand but it does start to paint a very vivid picture. 

_ So yeah, when you started the connection I had just gotten out of the shower, I haven’t actually gotten fully dressed again yet.  _

“Well, if you haven’t gotten fully dressed yet what are you wearing?” I force my voice to sound innocent but my soulmate just when into a five minute rant about how sweat and fit he got a the gym right before talking to me, and by the look of the tent in my pants innocences is out of the question. 

_ Hahahaha, you really want to go there right now?  _ Comes his reply, if I didn’t know any better I would say his voice was flirty and challenging. 

“Hey! I just had to listen to you talk about your toned muscles for 5 minutes then you tack on the part of you being freshly showered and mostly naked. I’m 16 what do you expect?” I defend myself. I still want this to go somewhere though so I add, “besides didn’t you initially talk about liking the idea of getting off while talking to me?”

_ Ugg, yeah I did do that, fuck alright now I’m with it. I am currently in a very loose pair of sweatpants, nothing else couldn’t be bothered to find underwear. What about you Mr. Jacques?  _

I like this image, him with his toned abs visible pants hanging low, I squeeze my cock through my boxers and groan, “I am currently in boxers, which are tented very high, and an extra large t shirt. What can I say I like my shirts baggy.” 

_ Shit that’s hot. Don’t think I missed that moan at the start, how much are you touching yourself right now? Are you teasing yourself through your boxers, or could you just not wait and had to take it all the way out?  _

Well that was a turn I was not expecting. “Holy fuck why are you good at this? I was just teasing, but now my boxers are gone and I am full on getting off.” It sounds bad, especially compared to him but with my high close it’s the best I can come up with. 

_ Just couldn’t wait could you? God, when I finally get my hands on you I will take my sweet time. Maybe even have you come more than once. Or I could just keep getting you close to the edge and then stopping? Bet you like getting frustrated like that, right baby?  _

I couldn’t hold I came, with a very loud moan and call of his name. Or at least the name he gave me. I think I may have whited out at some point, honestly I don’t know. When I do come to it is silent. “Blue you there?” I ask quietly. 

_ Yeah, Jacques, I’m here. I, um, got a little winded when I heard you call my name so I was catching my breath. Sorry, if I made it weird at all. I uhh kinda looked up stuff that I could um well, say during this. In case you ever wanted to.  _ He does sound out of breath, but also nervous. The dominate Blue has returned to the soft and shy one that I love. 

“Nothing made me uncomfortable, I legit think I came harder just now than I ever have in my life. Thank you for everything. Not just the sex stuff, the 20 minutes of rambling helped really. But it’s late and I need to sleep. Sundays are my families cleaning day so sleep calls. Love you, Blue.” I couldn’t get it all out before I yawn which kinda sucks because that always makes my voice weird but I couldn’t get myself to repeat anything. 

_ Haha good night, Jacques, I love you too.  _ Are the words I hear before I fall asleep. 

 

If I thought Martin finding out was bad, Sunday was worse. I wake up like any normal day, I stumble to the bathroom and pee, then go down stairs to eat. I am done cleaning the living room and have been sent outside to mow when Nick and Leah walk up to my house. 

“Hey guys, how are you?” I ask, turn off the mower before walking to them. They both look uncomfortable, shifting side to side. 

Leah nudges Nick giving him a strict look, it causes him to say, “Hey Si, is there like anything you want to tell us? About anything at all? Like how are you feeling?” 

I make a weird face at the questions. I try to think over if there is anything that has happened to me recently that somehow got back to them. “Not that I can think of, and I’m feeling fine buddy, but are y’all okay?” 

“Si, have you been on The Tumblr today?” Leah asks in a no shit kinda voice. I shake my head at her, I woke up and started working not a huge fan of it anyway. “So like you don’t know about the video post of you?” The second question causes me to run cold. I know what video she is talking about, and it causes panic in me. 

“I have to go,” I mumble walking back into my house. 

“Dude, can’t we talk about this first?” Nick yells but it gets cut off by the door. Nora is sitting in the living room, her phone in hand. She looks up at me as soon as I come inside. 

“Simon, do you-” She starts to ask. 

“Yes, Nora thank you I know what is on the page. Just don’t,” I yell at her making my way to my room, but I’m stopped by my dad. 

“Woaah, what was all that yelling about in here?” Mom comes out from behind him, a dish rag in hand. I groan and try to move around them to get up the stairs but they won’t let me pass. Instead dad leads me to the couch, where we talk out our problems, I start to wish Alice was here only she could fix this. “Oh no young man start talking,” dad says crossing his arms. 

“I don’t want to,” I mumble not looking at them. 

“Too bad, you don’t get to yell at your sister like that without explain what is going on.” I hate when mom turns into Dr. Spier, she wants us to fix things now. 

“Fine,” I say, the anger and frustration seeping into my voice, “I will tell you what happened. I found my soulmate, except someone up there is pissed with me because we are auditory. No I am not crazy or broken or something, this is real he is real. Oh yeah I’m also gay. And a person from my school found out, and posted it to a blog telling everyone. But it doesn’t matter, because everyone was going to find out at some point. There is one small detail though, I don’t actually know my soulmate’s name, because he is afraid to come out, and now he probably won’t talk to me so if you don’t mind I’m going to go nap. Bye.” I storm out, making it to my room before the can talk. I lock the door and turn on music, which I turn up when my mom calls my name through the door. 

I start to cry when he calls.  _ I am so sorry someone outed you like this. This was the thing you were ignoring the other day right?  _

“Yeah, this is the thing. And it’s not your fault, I should have been more careful.” I wipe tears and blow my nose after talking. In a small voice I ask, “are you going to vanish on me now?” 

_ I… I.. I don’t know. I need time to process things. Though I should have gotten it at first though, Jacques a dit is Simon says. I’ll, um, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.  _ The ending is both brief and drawn out. 

“I love you.” That is all I can get out before I start sobbing. I knew this would happen. 

 

I still go to school the next day, if for nothing more than to get out of the house. Everytime I came down my parents would stop talking and just look at me, it made me actually feel insane. Blue was still giving me radio silence which I get. Nora just stares out the window on the drive to school, I think she tries to start a conversation three times but eventually gives up. 

As I walk into school the air shifts, similar to how it felt when Blue came out on The Tumblr. I make it to my locker without incident, but that is where my luck runs out. Leah isn’t there waiting for me, so no one is even close to warning me as Spencer comes up behind me and shoves me into the locker. 

“Hey, nut, how does it feel to not only be the only gay kid, but also the crazy soulmate less gay kid?” His words have venom and his elbow is shoved into my ribs, surely causing a bruise. 

“I am not crazy,” I grunt out trying to force him off me, all it does is gets my head slammed into the locker door and a scoff. The bell ringing does nothing to help the headache now forming, and I’m late for English. 

By the time I get to Mr. Wise’s class the couch was full. Still, I walk towards it in hopes that my friends will move, they don’t. “Mr. Spier, why are you late?” Mr. Wise calls, I turn away from my friends and can feel the bruise forming on my face. 

“I, I um, had trouble opening my locker door, sorry Mr. Wise,” I say looking down at my shoes. He nods and points to the only open desk in the room far away from my friends, who seem to like it that way. 

This goes on till lunch. My friends won’t look at me as I try to find a welcoming face. I end up at a table alone, hoping to eat my lunch in peace. Well fuck me then because right as I start to eat is when Spencer and his friends to up the ante. Spencer climbs up on the lunch table, he is dressed like me and is mumbling to himself. Then another boy dressed in mostly blue comes and stands behind him and starts whispering in his ear. “Blue! Is that you? Are you my soulmate?” Spencer yells turning around frantically. 

“Noooo,” the other boy moans, “I am just a delusion, created by your loveless mind.” 

“Are you sure? I believe you to be real, So you must be a real boy!” Spencer is laughing through the lines now and I can’t take it. 

I stand up from seat and start to march over to them. “The fuck is your problem, asshats,” I bark, my hands in fists at my side. 

“Oooh, look crazy boy wants to have a fight,” Spencer’s friend sitting at the table whistles. 

“I am not crazy, and I just want to know why you won’t leave me alone, jerk off,” I counter. The other boy stands up, and man does he tower over me, ready to fight when Ms. Albright steps in and drags the two boys to the principal's office. I suddenly find the whole place to be silent, which I can’t stand. After listening to Blue’s voice for so long silence is deafening. I sprint from the lunchroom, not looking to see how anyone would respond. 

I don’t open my ears up till I make it to my car. Though as soon as I do I hear him. 

_ Come find me. Come find me. Come find me. Come find me. Come find me. Come find me.  _

“Where are you?!” I yell at the trees and my car and the sky and at everything, the anger is hitting hard now and I want to be mad, “Where were you when Martin outed me? When Spencer shoved me into my locker? How about when all my friends abandoned me? Huh! Where the fuck were you! And now you just keep repeating yourself over and over and over with no details? Fuck you!” The screaming leads to tears, they stream down my face as I pound against my car roof. 

_ I am under the bleachers at the soccer field. Come, please.  _ He goes silent and I start sprinting. 

I make it to the field in no time, the only problem is that there are two sets of bleachers, one for visitors and one for home. The visitors side is closer so I check there first, running up and down the X shaped support beams. He isn’t there. I sprint to the other side of the field and make a dead stop in front of the bleachers, unable to move. My soulmate is under there somewhere, and he now wants me. But what if this is another joke, set up by a soulmate that hates me and wants to hurt me. I stand there for another minute, replaying all the conversations and late nights spent talking to someone in my head. 

I walk under the bleachers. The home ones are bigger and have actual metal sheets between every few sections mean I have to walk in and out of each section looking for him. A minute in I find him, is back is to me but I recognise those soccer calves anywhere. “Cute Bram Greenfeld is my soulmate,” I say out loud, he turns and looks at me, tear tracks present on his face. 

“I’m sorry,” are the first words he says out loud to me, his voice is still broken from crying, “I should have been there more. I should have told you who I was before and instead of waiting till you were outed. But Simon I am most sorry leaving you alone, that is not what a soulmate does.” He starts crying again, curling in on himself almost falling over. 

I run to him and grab him in a hug, forcing him to stay up right. I run my fingers up and down his back in comfort. “Hey, no you don’t have to be sorry I was mad at the world not you. You have done everything right so far this is not on you.” I whisper into his ear, it must relieve him a bit because he relaxes into the hug. 

“I was hoping it was you, I thought I could tell it was your voice but I wasn’t sure. I still really wanted it to be you,” he mumbles into my shoulder. I laugh at this, it’s comforting to know my soulmate had a crush on me. 

“I glad my soulmate is Cute Bram Greenfeld, I have been mooning over you since you transferred here,” I say as I pull back to look him in the eyes. They are red rimmed from crying but he still looks beautiful. Our eyes meet for a second before we both lean in. Our lips touch and it is as if the world rights itself. Everything is perfect, soft, and quiet when I am kissing Bram. 

For the first time in months the silence is more comforting than the noise.


End file.
